The most annoying FAQs about being a professional poker player

Well the last 24 hours or so have been a bit rubbish at poker. I've broken even but I've been running really badly so instead of boring you all with that I thought I'd list some of the things that annoy me when people know I play poker for a living.

If you've asked me one of these questions chances are I've smiled and answered politely whilst inside I've wanted to kill you.

Q. How long have you been a professional gambler?

A. Poker is not gambling, It's a game of skill with elements of luck. If it was a game of luck I wouldn't have made consistent profit for 7 years now!

Q. (On hearing that I'd made $x last month) Yeah, but how much did you have to put in to win that?

A. I only talk in profit, I actually win hundreds of thousands every month but I pay out hundreds of thousands every month to play.

Q. Why don't you get a real job?

A. Because I am my own boss, I answer to noone and to have a job making as much as I do at poker I'd need to get a doctrate, move to London and work 80 hours a week.

Q. What would you do with a pair of Tens.

A. The two cards you have in your hand or about one tenth of the story of the hand, I'd need to know all the other factors and the players you're playing against.

Q. What's the most you've won in one game/day?

A. Do I ask you what the most you've made in one month of work is? I don't actually mind answering these questions because I'm so proud of my poker but if you ask this I should be allowed to know all about your wages.

Q. If I give you £300 can you win me some money please?

A. No. I'd rather win money for me, do I ask for a share of your wages each month?

Q. Can you teach me how to play?

A. Yes I could but I don't have time to and don't really want to. Sorry.

Q. So you play poker professionally? I play with my friends once a month in a £5 game.

A. And what?! It's almost the same level isn't it? I wonder if Wayne Rooney wants to hear about my five a side team?

Q. Just be careful.

A. Careful of what?! I know what I'm doing here, I've been doing it for 7 years.

Now I realise the above sounds like I've developed a massive attitude problem, which I have. But it's meant to be a bit tongue in cheek.

Most of you know that I do love talking about poker especially when people seem genuinely interested but it can get old answering the same questions all the time.

Hopefully will post again tomorrow with some nice success stories. Bit frustrated as only slightly in profit for the past week.